Funny Girl on Red Vs Blue

PROTECT ME, CONE!

Virtually every episode of Red vs. Blue has a Crowning Moment of Funny. These are the best ones. Warning: Each folder will contain unmarked spoilers for the previous seasons.

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    open/close all folders

• The Blood Gulch Chronicles
• The Recollection
• The Project Freelancer Saga
• The Chorus Trilogy
• Season 14
• The Shisno Trilogy
• Zero

    Mini Series

"I have no idea what I'm doing."

Out of Mind

• Delta is analytical, but proves to be quite human with his snark.

  Tactical matrix is incalculable, outcome is uncertain, chance of success is unknown... but a little payback would be nice.
  (in response to "Just one of the things that makes us human") Excellent point, York. I was not looking at it from a flawed perspective. I will try to do so in the future.
  Oh, so it is pride. I was registering an emotion, but I incorrectly categorized it as stupidity.

• The final conversation between Tex and Wyoming in the miniseries:

  Tex: You know what? You don't have to tell me. All I have to do is pummel you senseless, rip off your helmet, and access your communication logs. I'll know exactly where he is.
  Wyoming: Uh, hm. I see. Well in that case, perhaps I shall tell you.
  Tex: Nah, I like my way better. [bashes Wyoming's head]

Recovery One

• Once Wyoming reveals himself by firing at Wash:
• In a Black Comedy case, Wash's No Sympathy towards his fellow Freelancers when the Counselor mentions how many of the other agents resent him for his mental breakdown having shuttered any plans of future A.I. implantation.

  Counselor: We have safeguards for the unstable emotional patterns of an artificial intelligence. Sometimes these algorithms... fail.
  Washington: Oh, so it's your fault.
  Counselor: We prefer to think that it is no one's fault.
  Washington: Really.
  Counselor: Just a possible, but rare, unfortunate outcome.
  Washington: (drily) How convenient.

Relocated

• Sarge, wanting to get their new base in Valhalla up and running, sends Grif up to the very top of the structure. Eventually, Grif finds that some wreckage is blocking something, and Simmons suggests using a grenade to clear it.

  Grif: Is that safe?
  Simmons: None of this is safe! You wanna start analyzing now?!

  • Earlier, Sarge sends Simmons to spy on Blue Base, where Simmons has an encounter with Caboose. He returns to report...

    Simmons: Well, [the base] isn't running on brain power, I can tell you that.
    Sarge: Oh, good! That means Grif can still be used as a reliable fuel source!

• Both Caboose and Grif believing electricity to be "invisible magic." (Although it's likely the latter was being sarcastic.)

Reach

• In "Episode 3: There Goes the Neighborhood" Sarge and Grif finally make it to the Reach version of Blood Gulch after being stranded across the map and getting stuck in Firefight Mode, respectively. There, Simmons reveals that he's had to defend Red Base from the Blues, and in the background the Blue Team is attacking each other.

  Sarge: Simmons, why are they shooting at each other?
  Simmons: Oh, I told them that if they didn't attack us, I would trade them my pre-order code for the exclusive chest piece. Now they're fighting each other to see who gets it.
  Caboose: Marco!
  Grif: But you already used your code. You're wearing it!
  Simmons: Yeah, but they don't know that.

• In that same episode, Sarge starts singing while wandering around Forge World. All the times Matt sung it live are also noteworthy (in the first, he forgot the lyrics; in the second, he's forced to do it again because the song is short; and in the third, just for Matt performing in a suit!).

MIA

• When Grif is apparently kidnapped, Sarge calls Command, and Vic forwards him to Doc. Sarge wants Doc to fill in for the missing Grif, but runs into a problem.

  Sarge: Don't tell me you're still one of those lame paci-whatevers.
  Doc: invoked Pacifists. Yeah, Sarge, I still am. You don't just turn it off when it's convenient. It's not like being a vegan.

• Church tried to get Caboose to re-stack all of the crates in the storage room of Blue Base by advising him to treat it "just like Tetris." However, it didn't work since Caboose got confused when the crates didn't disappear whenever he made a full row.

• Church's Adorkable Squeeing when he gets an annoyed Tucker to comment on how It's Quiet… Too Quiet.

Where There's a Will, There's a Wall

• Sarge wants to take down the wall behind Red Base to see what's on the other side. His first idea? Send a Warthog (Driven by Grif) down a ramp to smash through it. Lopez's Hispanic deadpan commentary only drives the humor home.
  • Meanwhile, the Blues have gotten a Pelican chopper. Each Blue soldier has an Imagine Spot:
    • Church wants to pull a Screw This, I'm Outta Here!.
    • Tucker wants to pick up chicks.
    • And Caboose? His thought balloon just has a floating wreckage of what the Pelican used to be. Thought!Caboose looks down at Real!Caboose and says, "I have no idea what I'm doing."
  • At the end of the miniseries, Lopez has his own Imagine Spot: He's in the Blue Team's tank, and uses it to kill both the Reds and Blues in one shot.
• When Tucker's complaining to Church about being left out;

  Tucker: ...I never get anything around here. You got your sniper rifle, Caboose got to drive the tank, and the Reds have their jeep!
  (Cut to Grif driving the Warthog down the ramp, screaming as it crashes and explodes)
  Grif: ...Ow.
  Simmons: Well, looks like that plan failed completely.
  Sarge: Simmons! Don't be so quick to judge! Grif, are you alive in there?
  Grif: Yes! Barely...
  Sarge: Aw, damn it. Total failure!

Grifball

• The Commissioner is hilarious, due to his smug voice and how swiftly he diverts any criticisms towards his management style.
• In "Expansion", Team Slipspace discuss the Commissioner's upcoming announcement;

  Flynt: Maybe they're going to turn off the exploding balls.
  Coach: That would save on our healthcare premiums...
  Rookie: (Worried) The balls explode?
  Flynt: Yeah, but only when we score.
  Rookie: (Relieve) Oh...no chance of that.

  • The banner when we cut back to Commissioner's press conference reads, "Commissioner still likes his exploding balls"
• "The Franchise Player" features a player, "Extermination" Murphy, whose constantly in jail for excessive violence, but is paid more half the Grifball League's payroll. Naturally, he gets put onto Team Slipspace. Of course, due to legal reasons, he's not allowed outside of a tiny cage. And due to his contract stipulations, only Murphy is allowed to score. How does Team Slipspace deal with this? They give him the Grifball, shove his cage to the goal so he score...and leave him there. And we all know what happens when you score in Grifball...

  Rookie: Yeah, I figure his contract has him in that cell for the rest of his life. Really doing him a favor, y'know? Shortening that term.
  Murphy: (Doing a victory dance) Are you ready for me, pro leagues? 'Cause I'm about to blow up (Grifball explodes)

Family Shatters

• One of the reasons for getting a pet: "Someone to blame property damage on".
• "I vote cat. They have knives for hands."
• "Excuse me? I fed and watered my weapon every day this week!"
• Axel's addiction to dad jokes is treated as Serious Business. Including by himself, who does a Smoke Out after one, and goes on a "rampage" of sorts. West even says lethal force should be authorized against him before it gets contagious.

  Can a bird do a pun? No, but toucan!

• "Walk and Talk" sucessfully recreates the show's absurd conversations, specially when Zero and Phase realize they are aimlessly walking.
• "Beach Episode" has plenty of Leaning on the Fourth Wall commentary, culminating in the budget running out, "animation" by dragging static renders, and a color bar in the colors of the RVB logo.
• "Did you... cut your hair?" "Seriously?! I'm wearing a helmet!" "No, did you... change your make-up?"
• One showing an old cell phone leads Raymond to comment "That's not a phone, that's a brick with buttons!"
• "Why can't the English language be sexy? Like a Snyder movie without slow motion, it ain't happening."
• After all the tall tales about Phase are contrasted with that she's actually doing (cutting limbs with scissors = trimming a Bonsai; martial arts = Tai Chi Chuan; reshape mountains = doing a topographic model; beastmaster = playing with a cat), she still kills a hidden assailant by throwing her scissors over her shoulder.
• "The Unbearable Lightness of Zero" has said villain in full Large Ham mode, shooting his alarm clock ^note which itself is a pop-up shooting target, his enthusiastic spiel about breakfast (followed by him shouting at Phase for daring to correct him), some wordless overacting trying to clean his sword just by staring at it, and an overjoyed delivery of a factoid in a meeting. There is also his 'moment of zen' in a bathtub with his sword.
• Shatter Squad fears wasps worse than Grif and Simmons with bats and snakes. Although this one is no ordinary bug - a highlight is the wasp grabbing One in mid-air and throwing her into a wall.
• "Special Guestmas" has the squad wondering who their special guest is going to be. Even though Lopez, Sarge, and Santa himself show up. After everyone leaves, an animated Gus shows up...to an empty room.

  Gus: Happy federal holiday ever-Hello? [looks around] Oh goddamnit, I better still get paid for this.

• "Hard Boiled" has, true to the title, a Film Noir sendoff that's increasingly absurd.
  • Before we even get to the Film Noir, we start with West just trying to watch a movie, but Shatter Squad wants to go out for a late-night meal.
  • Raymond starts out by flubbing and calling West "Dad", much to West's annoyance, as he insists that he's their commanding officer, not father. He then follows up with, "And two, go to bed kids, last time you ate this late you had nightmares."
  • How does East convince West to let the Squad go out? "No dishes, and we'll leave you alone." "Take the company card."

    PSAs and Other Videos

• In an ad for Rally Sport Challenge 2, Sarge attempts to play the game and drive a Warthog at the same time, convinced that "it's all about hand-eye coordination". As Simmons and Grif continue the pitch, Sarge careens off a hill in the background and crashes, exclaiming, "Oh, my hands and eyes!"
• The entirety of the "Real Life vs. The Internet" PSA.
  • Meeting new people:

    —REAL LIFE—
    Church: Well, it was, it was really great to meet you!
    Female Donut: It was really great to meet you too!
    Church: Would you mind if I, uh, called you later?
    Female Donut: Sure!
    —INTERNET—
    Male Donut: So big boy, I'm from-
    Simmons: You're not a girl!
    Male Donut: What? 'Course I am!
    Simmons: A real girl?
    Sarge: (from afar) WHO'S A GIRL?! I LIKE GIRLS!!
    Simmons: (to Sarge) Shut up, you!
    Male Donut: Yes! I am really a girl! Tee hee hee!
    Simmons: ...Send me naked pictures!
    Male Donut: ...Okay!
    Sarge: I LOVE ANGELINA JOLIE! DOES ANYONE ELSE LIKE ANGELINA JOLIE?! SHE'S GOT ENORMOUS LIPS!

  • Checking your mail:

    —REAL LIFE—
    Church: Bills, bills, bills... coupon. Great.
    —INTERNET—
    Simmons: Pardon me, my friend, but I am Nigirean Roylty, and I need you to send me money. Please ignore the fact that I can't spell "Nigerian." Or "royalty."
    Doc: Would you like to refinance your home? Mortgage rates have never been lower!
    Grif: Hey, Church! We have all the filthiest sluts on the internet. They're hopped up on herbal Viagra and waiting for you!
    Sarge: WOULD YOU LIKE A BIGGER PENIS?! WHERE WOULD YOU LIKE IT? I COULD SUGGEST SOME PLACES!
    Doc: You could put it in escrow!

  • During the segment on shopping, the "Internet" portion sees Grif demand that Church give him a Creed CD, and become upset he isn't getting it any faster. This bit also contains Gus Sorola's (Simmons' voice actor) favorite quote of the series:

    Simmons: Creed sucks! I hate you! And I hate the bands you like!

  • In the segment on partying with friends, the "Internet" portion has Grif explaining to Church that there's no parties online since everyone is too busy masturbating.
  • Discussing politics:
    • The best part of the above exchange is that the domain name "presidentialsluts.com" was actually registered for the longest time to Geoff Ramsey, Grif's voice actor.
  • Church ends the video by claiming that people can prepare for the Internet by "going to your local middle school chess club and hand out crystal meth and guns."
• In "The Winter Lames: the Olympics Suck":
  • Sarge has several suggestions on how to improve the events, most of which boil down to Stuff Blowing Up.

    Church: Okay, well instead of just criticizing the Games, I think we should concentrate on helping make the current Olympic events more fun to watch.
    Sarge: You bet your bobsled. There's nothing wrong with the Olympics that modern science can't fix.
    Church: Right, like using aerodynamic computer modeling to develop better ski jumping techniques.
    Sarge: No, like replacing the skis with heat-seeking missiles! And the jumping with exploding.
    Church: Well that sounds a little extreme. How would you improve curling?
    Sarge: Replace the big rocks with grenades.
    Church: Figure skating?
    Sarge: Land mines.
    Church: Downhill skiing?
    Sarge: Laser gates.
    Church: Speed skating?
    Sarge: Everyone gets a bayonet.
    Church: Snowboarding?
    Sarge: Get rid of the hippies, and add polar bears! In fact, every event could use more polar bears!

  • "Tell Michelle Kwan I always loved her!"
  • Later, Sarge gets the idea to give medals of enriched uranium to the losers.
• In "Lethargy Crisis":
  • Sarge's insane solution to make more fossil fuel.

    Sarge: [Everyone] knows that gasoline comes from dinosaurs. If we're running out of gas, the solution isn't to drive less, it's to kill more dinosaurs!
    Church: All the dinosaurs are already dead.
    Sarge: It doesn't have to be just dinosaurs, moron. Any animal turns in to oil when it dies. So remember: if you wanna be environmentally friendly, just kill every living thing you see! And bury it.
    Simmons: But that process takes millions of years.
    Sarge: I've got time.
    (Cut to Grif buried alive, with his arm sticking out)
    Grif: Lemme outta here! There's worms!
    Sarge: Gentlemen, we could debate the fine points all day. But the fact remains, a gallon of gas still costs less today, than a gallon of milk.
    Church: Yeah, but you don't drink three gallons of milk every time you drive to work.
    Sarge: Maybe you don't!

  • The text on Grif's tombstone reads "Here Lies Grif", with Grif's name crossed out and replaced with "unleaded".
  • Caboose breathes fire after drinking two gallons of gasoline.
• According to Sarge in Beta Complex, a "vital test of mission critical technology" involves Simmons teabagging Grif repeatedly.

  Simmons: Feels good...slightly improved!

  Sarge: Grif: how would you rate the humiliation factor?

  Grif: [Dryly] High.

• One word: Grifball. Eventually became an Ascended Meme.
  • The American Grifball League of America
  • This:

    Simmons: There are two teams. One red...
    Church: ...and one good.

  • Apparently, when they say the ball carrier becomes Grif, that's Not Hyperbole.

    Grif: Hey, what the-? How did I get here? And why am I holding this bomb?

  • Then, when Church explains that the 'ball' explodes after each score:

    Grif: Yeah, in your face, non-Grifs! Wait, what was all that stuff about exp- (Bomb explodes) AHHH! OH MY GOD! MY SKIN IS ON FIRE!

  • Caboose's description of the game.

    Caboose: It's just like hockey. Except with Grif, and more teeth!

• The "Game On" PSA. "Can we stop that fucking horn already!"
• Everyone was busy during the "Columbus Day" PSA... so they let Caboose host it. Epic Hilarity Ensues.
  • Part of the reason why everyone was busy? They had to get the Meta under control the way one handles a loose animal.

    Simmons: Come here buddy, over here. You wanna treat? Who's a good boy? Who's a good boy? Come over here!

• The "Valentine's Day" PSA. Caboose mourns over celebrating without Church and remembers their "tradition".

  Caboose: Hey Church! Happy Valentine—
  Church: Get the fuck away from me.

• Outtakes from Reconstruction. Notable moments include "AUTOBOTS, TRANSFORM!" (followed by his absurdly deep "OH MY GOD!"), Scottish!Wash, and the Meta teabagging. Not to mention Church's terrible singing of "I Kissed a Girl."
• Church attempting to describe Sergeant Johnson's Memetic Badassitude in the last Halo 3: ODST promotional video.

  Church: Sergeant Johnson is as tough as they come. They say he's a strong as an ox, and as agile as... a... smaller ox.
  Sarge: What?
  Church: He moves like a whisper, that you only say to the wind at midnight.
  Simmons: Why would you do that? That doesn't make any sense.
  Church: He's as cunning as a fox, taking a... pottery class at a... Ivy League university... that accepts foxes!
  Grif: Wow. You're not very good at analogies, are you?

• From the Sixth Anniversary PSA:
• In the DIY preview, the Reds and Blues are given access to the Forge in Halo 3. Simmons uses it to make tunnel with a line of Grav-lifts that float things towards the end, where Grif is wating. To demonstrate, Simmons sends a giant soccer ball in, which hits Grif in the head;

  Church: So you invented a device that fires things are Grif's face?
  Sarge: This may possibly be the greatest discovery in the history of mankind!
  Simmons: It has other applications as well, sir.
  Sarge: You mean you can fire other objects at Grif's face?!

• The "Fire Safety" PSA in all of its glory.

  Simmons: You may be asking yourself: what is fire? If you're asking that, it's because you're an idiot. You'll probably ask things like "What am the sky?" and "How does eat food?" Even cavemen knew what fire was, you dumbass.

• "What I Did On My Summer Vacation.": Caboose gets caught up in the Halo: Reach campaign. Naturally, Hilarity Ensues.
  • When Caboose and Jorge are blasting into space.

    Caboose: Man, I can't wait to touch all of these buttons.
    Jorge: Don't touch any buttons.
    Caboose: ...Touch.
    Jorge: (Ejected into space) Cabooooose~!

  • In Dr. Halsey's introductory cutscene:

    Dr Halsey: Do you have it? (referring to the package)
    Caboose: No, you won't let go.
    Dr Halsey: Say the words please.
    Caboose: The words please.
    Jun: ...What...?

  • Him jumping over a tiny hill:

  Caboose: Then how did I lose all my fingers? ^Explanation This later became the name of an achievement!

  • When Caboose gets dropped off back at Blood Gulch from orbit.

    Caboose: Goodbye! Thank you for the ride! You are my new best friends and I will never forget you! You probably can't hear me though because everyone knows there's no oxygen on a rollercoaster! I am yelling quieter now because I am further away from you!

• The Blood Gulch Crew plays Firefight.
  • A bonus is that Doc is reunited with Omega for his scene.
  • Pretty much everything Church does.
  • Also Caboose.
• Donut's Image Song "Donut: The Musical" will never not be funny.
• The "Higgs Bozo" PSA has Sarge's idea of a scientific demonstration, followed by Caboose going on a lengthy and somewhat eloquent speech about the nature of knowledge, closing with the thought that "People will always look up at the sky, and just wonder why we're here". Then he shouts "WATER BISON POWERS ACTIVATE!" and runs off at super speed. Simmons and Sarge's reactions, both to the speech and Caboose's exit, seal the deal.

  Caboose: Yeah, the universe sure is mysterious. But, you know, what if we did solve all the problems? What then? Would we just live on, forever, happy in our triumph over ignorance? Or is ignorance just a common enemy that, once destroyed, would leave our species without a reason to carry on? I guess it doesn't really matter what the answer is, because even if we could attain supreme knowledge, the thought of it just wouldn't keep us together. In the end, people will always look up at the sky, and just wonder why we're here. WATER BISON POWERS, ACTIVATE!

• From the "Online Survival" PSA, there's Church and Sarge discussing how to deal with Internet Trolls, with a Red and Blue Battle Creek Zealot each playing the role of a troll. Just hearing Sarge saying this is hilarious:

  Sarge: (trying not to retaliate) Frowny emoticon...!

• During the PSA's released to announce Halo 4's release date, Sarge and the Reds are trying to keep the release date secret from the Blues so they won't know to pre-order. The camera then cuts to Tucker and Church, who then casually reveal that they already knew the release date and have pre-ordered. Also, Sarge's song about the date so that they remember.
  • If the videos themselves aren't enough, there's the sheer absurdity of seeing it dubbed in Japanese.
• The "Go, Go, Gadgets" PSA, providing a satire against how new seeming gadgets get replaced by even newer ones.

  [BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ]
  Simmons: Ah, Jesus!
  Church: What's that noise?!
  Simmons: It's my cellphone. Donut must have borrowed it. He's always overclocking the vibrate setting and calling himself.
  Church: invoked Gross...

• The "Voting Fever" PSA. it's a Call-Back to their Halo 4 announcement date videos, with Grif and Simmons trying to trick Sarge into thinking they were out to vote. Sarge forces them to do a pro-voting musical number; with a chorus of ODSTs joining in and Grif having no clue about how elections work. To top it all off, it's revealed Sarge used the song as a distraction to steal their place in line to buy Halo 4. And it turns out the two of them actually did get sick. ^note To get out of work and grab Halo 4, Grif and Simmons had to get a sick day for November 6th.
• York's Image Song "Come On Carolina", where he complains she's "always being such a bitch" and asks if she could "please stop kicking me", and suggests "playing Halo 4 naked" and "having babies with green eyes".
• During a live event, the RT crew did a live table read for the then upcoming 'MIA' miniseries. While the regulars were doing the assorted voices (with Burnie doing Vic), they had a pair of audience members doing 'naration' and 'sound effects'. At one point, when Vic is dialing the phone, the sound effects guy made the touch tone sounds play Mary Had a Little Lamb.

  Gus: Hey, don't steal the spotlight.
  Sound effects guy <bows to the crowd>

  • Once Matt realizes Sarge will talk to Doc, he repeatedly tries to make someone else take Sarge's part. Also, at the end of the 'call', 'Vic' ab libs that Sarge and Doc sound alike. 'Sarge' replies that they don't, but why doesn't he call up Church, or even Lopez.
  • Once, it strays off the script, so 'Simmons' has to note 'Sarge' cut him off earlier.
• The "Match Breaking" PSA with Tucker and Simmons giving advice on how to get a date/to get laid. Funny overall, with a guest appearance of Sister, it ends with a Warthog driven by Carolina, with Grey and Kimball, running Tucker down.

  Tucker: Lavernius Tucker, love doctor extraordinHURGWAAauh
  Carolina: Nobody here had a problem with that, right?
  Kimball: Not at all.
  Dr. Grey: Nope!

  • Prior to this, Simmons runs off after a date he'd stood up because she'd sent him a ;) emoticon, which was "getting too serious". She shows up again— after having spent the night with Tucker working the rebound.
  • Prior to that, Tucker approaches a woman at a club.

    Tucker: [narrating] You can then make your presence known by delivering a well thought-out and rehearsed pick up line. Such as...
    Tucker: [shouting over the loud music] HEY HOT STUFF! NICE LEGS! WHAT TIME DO THEY OPEN? SO WE CAN—
    [She shoots him in the face]
    Tucker: OHHHH, THAT'S GONNA LEAVE A HORRIFIC SCAR!

• From the "Getting Away from it All" PSA:
  • Sarge and Caboose go camping. It goes about as well as you'd expect. Except that they go camping in Minecraft.
  • Grif's and Simmons' trip to the Vegas Quadrant doesn't go so well either.

  Airport Security: Yep, that's a cavity search.
  Grif: Aw, shit.

• In the commentary for Relocated, Burnie Burns states flat-out that if a joke is funny enough, the continuity gets temporarily suspended so it can be used, in the particular case the "Sister falling through the ice" joke.
• Red vs. Blue Blockbuster Trailer
• The live-action "Sleeper" skit features Sarge, Caboose, and Grif in cryogenic stasis being awoken by a nameless scientist type (as played by Burnie Burns). Not only is it hilarious to actually see everyone in Spartan armor Head Bobbing like in the games, but Grif treats cryosleep like regular sleep, including installing a snooze button on his tube's alarm and begging off for "five more minutes" when Sarge tries to wake him. When the scientist notes that the taste of cryofluid should keep him from going back to sleep, Grif reveals that he "got bubble gum flavor" and a cut to the scientist's Data Pad reveals that he really has flooded his tube with bubble gum flavored cyrogenic fluid. Everyone else apparently got "scrotum flavor."
• Simmons interrupting the "The Sound of Stupid" PSA about ASMR (just in time to cover up Caboose removing his helmet) with an Anonymous-style warning. He then leaks all of their personal files to each other, including his own. He gets tackled by Tucker and Grif after they feign sympathy for him and walk off-screen to find him inside the base under the pretense of giving him a hug.
  • Caboose wanting to role-play as a dragon and book-ending the video by asking if they were still going to do that.
  • The content that Simmons leaks is ridiculous:
    • Tucker's Slash Fic collection about himself.
    • Nude pictures of Sister, much to Grif's embarrassment.
    • A screenplay for a Sarge movie sequel written by Simmons himself, though Simmons didn't mean to leak that.
    • A nude picture of Donut, though not leaked by Simmons, but by Donut himself unsurprisingly.
• One bonus video proported to show that before Nathan Zellner was cast as the alien in Blood Gulch Chronicles, they had the other cast members audition for the role. The result was a video of the various VAs doing it in character of their roles.

  Caboose: I AM AN ALIEN!

• From their Season 6 outtakes. "Butts" by Burnie Burns.
• After Season 14, Rooster Teeth put out a short non-machinima video using a 360 setup. It's pretty simple, with Grif and Simmons talking on top of their base, with Grif going over what he thinks would be the perfect way of robbing somebody: Wearing a clown mask and escaping in a hot air balloon. Meanwhile, if you take advantage of the 360 system, you can turn the camera around, and while the guys are talking, the Blues are in the base stealing the Red Army flag with Grif and Simmons being utterly clueless to what's going on.
• The next 360 video involves the teams dividing the contents of a supply ship that "crashed" in Blood Gulch (i.e. it was shot down by the Reds). This includes the viewer (probably the ship's unfortunate pilot, who also doesn't survive the next two minutes).
• The third 360 video is about Tucker, Caboose, Church and eventually Sarge trying to teach Junior about sex. We could try to list the funny moments but every moment is a funny one.

  Church: Kill it with fire.

  Tucker: What?! No way! He can't die a virgin! That's Simmons' job!

  Church: Listen, he's clearly inherited your perverted DNA-

  Junior: Bow chicka honk-honk.

  Church: -Combine that with the species need to parasitically infect a host, and it means that all of us are pretty soon gonna be carrying mutant alien babies. (Sarcastic) Thanks, Tucker!

• The fourth 360 video is from Caboose's perspective. The result is hearing Church suddenly talk about friendship at the drop of a hat and Sarge having a pirate accent. Not too mention the drawings that keep popping up.
• This interview has Jack Lee answering in character as the Chairman saying he's not evil, just misunderstood - everyone else is in stitches, even as genocide is brought up. Another highlight is Yomary Cruz channeling F.I.L.S.S. answering "I'm sorry, I'm not able to reveal that information".
• "Caboose's Guide To Finding Your Home", as if the one about making friends in Season 14 wasn't enough...
• And now we have "Lopez's Guide to Technical Empathy", which shows the viewer just how much crap Lopez has to put up with because of the Teams' clueless tomfoolery. It turns out to be one massive guilt trip towards Grif to make him speak more Spanish. It doesn't work.
  • There's also Lopez stating that the answer to "You ever wonder why we're here?" is "To eventually be replaced by robots."
• In the "Unreal Estate" PSA, Sister is now a real estate agent, selling only the best homes on Earth... which has gone to shit thanks to climate change. Arizona is a Lethal Lava Land, Florida is underwater, the Pacific Northwest is a desolate wasteland, and the Canadian forests are populated by white supremacists.
  • Sister's opinion on greenhouses.
  • Canada wasn't happy with white supremacists moving into their forests, but they're Canadian, and thus too nice to actually do anything about it.
  • The solution? Sell the death homes to the white supremacists.

  Simmons: I think we just figured out how to make the Earth a better place again!
  Sister: I'll go start making some calls!
  Grif: Try selling them on lava house first. Those dickheads love burning shit!

• In "A Trip Abroad", the Reds and Caboose show how you should act while traveling. It's a miracle they're allowed anywhere. Of course, it starts with Donut being upset when he finds out nobody noticed he was on vacation for a few weeks.

  Donut: I talked about it for months! You helped me get tickets to the Louvre!
  Grif: That doesn't sound like me... at all.
  Donut: Simmons drove me to the airport!
  Simmons: Uh, it doesn't ring a bell.
  Donut: Oh my gosh. You guys were supposed feed my cat! Whiskers!

  • And near the end of the episode, we see Donut's memorial to his dead cat.

    Donut: At least I have all this French cheese to comfort me. (tearing up) It smells terrible!

• The "Hard Truths" PSA. Here, Sarge spells out some hard truths for all of us (namely, that mushrooms are inherently delicious and crabs deserve an apology from nature for having to crawl everywhere). Only it turns out that the rest of the Blood Gulch Crew lured him up onto the podium so they could do a "friend-tervention" (which is not a roast). Highlights include:
  • Sarge changed the notification tone on Donut's phone to the "ping" of a live hand grenade.
  • Sarge also coined the term "active bitch face" for Carolina.
  • As usual, Sarge has no idea what Lopez is saying. Which is ironically the thing that Lopez is complaining about.

  Lopez: (I am in Hell, and he is the Devil.)
  Sarge: No hablo el spanish-o!

  • His recommendations to Washington for improving the quality of the show include Sarge getting a leather jacket, marrying a stripper, dreaming that a mad scientist has stolen his "coolness"...basically, as Wash himself puts it, reruns of Happy Days with Sarge in the role of The Fonz.
    • Appropriately, said list includes Sarge jumping a shark.
  • Simmons steps up to the podium, only for Sarge to tell him to sit back down before he can say anything.
  • And then Grif takes the stand. Let's just quote this one word-for-word, shall we?

  Grif: He is the worst thing about my life.

  Grif: I wish him specific harm. Like a thousand years of Groundhog Day, but for a looping period of 20 seconds.

  Sarge: Ha ha! Catch 22! Any Hell without you is a Heaven!

  Grif: You know what? I give up. My eyes were bigger thank my fucks on this one. (sighs) he won't change.

  • Cue Caboose taking the stand...and, well, Cloudcuckoolander that he is, he can only think of nice things to say about Sarge.
  • And hilariously, this pisses Sarge off because he thinks Caboose doesn't know the first thing about him. He goes on to list several of his own personal flaws, including:
    • Chewing with his mouth open. Intentionally.
    • An irrational fear of pleated pants.
    • Loving guns he doesn't actually own (he leases them).
    • Being totally non-functional as a civilian because the military is all that he knows.
    • Oh, and he hates mushrooms. This last admission is what makes Sarge finally break down crying.
• In this video, Sarge is explaining that Season 16 will only be available on Roosterteeth.com, with other characters acting out eventual complaints from fans:

  Jax: So, this video's on Youtube, but the new episodes aren't on Youtube?
  Sarge: Yes, Jax, everyone understands what irony is!

  • And while still on the topic of irony, Season 16 was eventually uploaded to YouTube in promotion for Season 17.
• Carolina (and later, Sarge) promote RTX 2018. Seeing her imitate an echo, fangirl over Troy Baker, and complain about Sarge landing an airship while she's speaking shows that she's now as dorky as the Reds and Blues.
• "Recyling", where along with the usual weird lines ("Flabbergasting, my every flabber, gasted!") it Crosses the Line Twice when discussing recycling dead extras.
  • And then Caboose reveals he doesn't exactly know what a "recycling plant" is.

    Caboose: I've been burying this stuff for years, but one's never grown!

  • According to Grif, you should never recycle cans or bottles, because it would be a reminder of how much you drink.
• And now we go into "Diversity", starting with Grif's Imagine Spot;

  Grif: Just imagine how lame it would be if everyone was the same!
  (cut to four Simmonses)
  Simmons 1: Hey guys, I can't find my retainer, can I borrow someone else's?
  Simmons 2: Eugh, talk about unhygienic.
  Simmons 3: Oh, C'mon, we all have the exact same mouth germs.
  Simmons 2: Dude, I don't want your stuff in my mouth!
  Simmons 4: Ooh, who wants to organize their sock drawer by size and color?
  Simmonses: I do! Jinx! Double-jinx! Rutabega! Chinchilla farm! (Beat) My milkshakes bring all the boys to the yard / and they're like—
  (hard cut back to Grif)
  Grif: (horrified) Oh, dear God, no!!
  Simmons: Grif, what's wrong with you?
  Grif: Sorry, sorry... I just had a waking nightmare. Please continue, singular Simmons.

  • Carolina is called a "feminista" by Grif, which initially annoys her. When he tries to sum it up as "You have boobs!" and she punches him, she then decides that "feminista" actually sounds pretty cool.
  • The Running Gag of increasingly bizarre-sounding Malapropers that Caboose comes up with when looking for his missing pet chinchilla Benedict Cumberbatch.
  • Donut is called "fabulous."
  • How does Washington fit into the diversity angle Grif and Simmons are talking about? He's the angry white male.

    Wash: (motions to the gun he's holding) What, this?

  • And then, after briefly mistaking "diversity" for "adversity", Sarge accepts everyone... as equally viable targets to shoot at with a mounted turret.

  Simmons: Way to go, sir! Technically that makes you one of the most open-minded people here!

  Carolina: That's not how it works, you suck up! (starts firing at Sarge) EAT MY FEMINISTA AGENDA!!

• "New Holidays", where the Reds and Blues are celebrating a series of new holidays to replace the more "boring" regular holidays. Including "Saint Peppy's Day" where they honor a distant relative of Saint Patrick by having Caboose release live snakes on to their base, much to Grif's displeasure. ^note According to Irish folklore, the real Saint Patrick was said to have banished all the snakes from Ireland.
  • Carolina acting as The Comically Serious throughout the whole thing.
  • "Cinco de Macho" sees Sarge trying to goad Carolina into hitting him. She eventually gets so pissed off, she leaves the scene... only to come back in a Warthog and run him over.
  • The Long List of new holidays Simmons shows off before starting to shill products relating to them:

    December Fool's Day, Groundhog Day, New Fear's Day, Chinese New Fears, Groundhog Day, XXX-Mas (18+ ONLY), Brother From Another Mother's Day, Roboween, ROM Kippur, Groundhog Day, Rhode Island Appreciation Day, Earf Day, Mardi Gross, Dependence Day, Kevin, Manual Labor Day, Dia de los Huevos, MILK Jr. Day, Cyber Monday, Uncle's Day

  • It's shortly revealed that Simmons was hired by a greeting card company to promote the new holidays so that they could sell more merchandise:

  Sarge: My God, son! How much is a man's soul worth?

  Carolina: (Beat) Oh, that is just sad...

  Tucker: Hold up, you promised me a hundred bucks to help you with this holiday B.S.

  Sarge: You promised me a hundred smackers too!

  Caboose: I get to keep the snakes!

  Simmons: I never said I was a master negotiator.

  • Carolina then gives An Aesop about how holidays are not about buying things but spending time with family and friends, or honoring the achievements of great people throughout history.

  Sarge: Unless you hate your family.

  Carolina: Well, yes. In that case you stay far away.

  Carolina: No, right. Screw that guy. He was the wooooorst!

• Pretty much the entirety of the "Cultural Appreciation" PSA.
  • The PSA hits a snag right out of the gate due to Grif, realizing the PSA pertains to going to a museum, flatout walking off set, forcing a restart of filming, with Donut subbing in.
  • Tucker is tricked into going to the museum by being told he's going to the Annual Ice Cream and Monster Truck Convention.
  • "FUCK ART, I'M GONNA KILL YOU!"
  • Concerning buying tickets to the museum, Donut promises, for those wishing to just sneak into the museum, "a future PSA about lying to the police is in the works."
  • As it happens, Sarge was willingly at the museum to teach Caboose about historical battles and warfare... only to realize the main exhibition at the museum that day was "Serene Flower Gardens of New England in the Late Romantic Period."
  • Caboose gets a student discount, because he's a Harvard graduate. Simmons is rightfully shocked.

    Caboose: Eh. It was my backup school.

  • Tucker is reprimanded by Simmons for yelling in the museum... since, as Simmons states, "this isn't a library".
  • In the middle of discussing a painting about the fall of Icarus, Sarge slips into a flashback (completely with Deliberate Monochrome) of a soldier he saw die tragically... due to heat stroke.

    Soldier: (groan) Avenge me, Sarge... Kill the Sun. (Hurk, bleagh!)

  • Sarge then reacts in kind:

    Sarge: Stupid source of renewable energy! (punches the painting) Take that you stupid star!

    (cut to outside)

    Simmons: And finally, when you get kicked out of the museum for violently punching one of the paintings, always make sure you have a backup plan for the rest of the day.

    (cut to a wider shot, showing Caboose and Donut standing by a huddled Sarge)

    Donut: C'mon, Sarge. Let's get you a healthy dose of flashback-resolving ice cream!

  • Tucker refuses to leave the museum, having grown a bond to it (due to the nude art). Simmons has Sarge and Donut drag him into the car by his legs.
• "Laundry Day", featuring loads of fun with Halo models. Culminating in everyone dressed as Caboose!
  • And Caboose is dressed in his old armor. As in, his Combat Evolved model.
  • Grif mentions that Color-Coded for Your Convenience is the only way to tell anyone apart, going totally meta when he lampshades how everyone seems to have the same height and body shape.
• "Spice It Up!". In which Sarge and Grif discuss how to keep their "reluctantly immortal" series interesting. There's when they suggest adding to the cast...

  (Lopez and Simmons are confronting Caboose)
  Simmons: (bored) Uh, we're here you take your flag, you filthy Blue.
  Red Zealot: Yeah, you filthy Blues! Give us your flag!
  Simmons: (looks at Red Zealot in surprise) Wait, what?
  Blue Zealot: You'll never get our flag, filthy Reds!
  Simmons: Huh?
  Blue Zealot: (shoots Lopez) Take that! Fuckin' bot!
  Lopez: (Why?)
  Simmons: Who are you people?!

• "The Price Wheel of Cash!", or Caboose hosts a game show. It really must be seen to be believed.
  • When introducing the contestants...

  Caboose: Now, Lopez, we actually had a meaningful conversation backstage, and it sounds like you're playing today for your sick sister. (Audience goes "Aw")

  Lopez: (What? I don't have a sister.)

  Caboose: Incorrect! (An off-screen shooter blasts Lopez)

• "Visit the Doctor!", in which Sarge and Doc give advice on going to the doctor. As in, not an incompetent medic like Doc or a Mad Scientist like Dr. Grey, but an office with actual medical professionals. Suffice to say, they are all repeatedly horrified by how the Blood Gulch Crew should logically be dead by now.
  • The dismissive front desk lady gets a lot less apathetic when Grif tells her about how his organs were replaced with Simmons' and Simmons' organs were replaced with robot parts.

  Front Desk Lady: Oh my God...is that-?
  Grif: Canon? Oh, yeah.

  • The results of Grif's medical exam: Perfect blood pressure, a cholesterol level high enough to clog a toilet, his blood is 50% marinara sauce, his knees are dust, his bone density is 2%, and he has type 7 diabetes. The MRI guy tells him that his suit's life support is the only reason he's still alive.

  Grif: Sounds like you're saying I'm immortal! That is good news!
  Doctor: Uh, that is definitely not what I'm-
  Grif: Simmons, did you hear that!? I'm immortal! I'm gonna live forever!

  • When Sister tried to get a urine sample, it bore a hole in the floor. And the results of her STD test causes the printer to die of syphilis.
  • Caboose's reflex test: Every time the doctor taps his leg, he doesn't react, but a machine turns on/off, culminating in all the toilets in the hospital flushing at once.
• "Moving Out", in which Grif and Simmons deal with the realities of being their own men.
  • Simmons buys a house in a seedy neighborhood. It's run down, next to a dump, and the neighbors are in a car chase with the police. What causes him to lose his nerve? Girl Scouts knocking on his door and asking for cookie sales.
  • Grif buys a mansion that just so happens to be near a fault line. He loses his nerve when he realizes that Simmons isn't around to clean up after him.
  • The mansion is also built on the side of a cliff, with a "glass bottom pool" positioned over the edge. Caboose eagerly jumps in... and keeps falling. Turns out there is no bottom.
  • Sarge quickly suffers from Empty Nest once Grif, Simmons, and Lopez are gone.
• "Cyber Insecurities", where Simmons locks himself alone in Red Base and uses all sorts of things to prevent his own teammates from entering for security's sake. Sarge breaks in... by blowing the place!
• "Snowed In", where Doc shows how to survive a blizzard and Hilarity Ensues.
  • First, Sarge doesn't believe it's going to snow at all... even during the snowstorm.
  • Sarge believes that the only things you need to survive dangerous weather is milk, bread, gasoline, and a active nuclear warhead with a hairpin trigger. Guess what happens when Caboose gets near it at the episode's climax?
  • Because Caboose muffed prepping Blue Base for the snowstorm (as in, he made a giant snowman encompass the whole base), both teams end up sharing Red Base. Sarge isn't happy with it, and just when Doc is assuring him that he sent out a memo instructing the Blues to keep their hands to themselves...
  • To stave off boredom, Simmons leads the Blues and Doc in playing "Canyons and Cockbites." Kaikaina's character is a "hussy," Caboose is a Hvac Repair Technician (WHAT IS THIS GAME...! "Oh, it's really high in charisma."), Simmons is an "Dragonborn Orc Barbarian Wizard," and Doc is a dentist.
  • The inexplicable return of Church! Who then gets trapped outside when Caboose fires the warhead and dies yet again. Furthermore, no one finds his appearance as anything out of the ordinary aside from Sarge, who thinks he's a Cabin Fever-induced hallucination.
  • When Sarge starts going nuts from Cabin Fever, he rolls out a tank and begins to fire at the base doors. All Grif cares about is that the tank is blocking the TV.
• "End Preppers", in which the Red Team prepares for the apocalypse. Lopez is, of course, on the Terminator's side.
  • Simmons's weapon against the robot uprising? Dial-up internet.

    Assorted Lopezes: [Malfunction in Spanish]

    • If that doesn't work, Simmons hopes that his cyborg parts will be enough for the robots to accept him.

    Lopez: No es probable. (Not likely.)

  • Grif's weapon against the robot uprising? Living at the waterpark. The Lopezes gun him down while he tries to taunt them from his "chlorine shield".
  • Sarge's weapon is to launch "emps" into the atmosphere... which causes a retaliatory nuclear strike from the robots, wiping out both human civilization and the robot overlords. Lopez is quite upset when Sarge repairs him to act as a helper.

    Lopez: Tu eres el demonio rojo y esto es mi infierno. (You are the red devil and this is my hell.)

  • When the giant radiation monsters attack, Sarge turns Grif, Lopez, and Caboose into giant robots to combat them. Caboose befriends the monsters, which Lopez proceeds to kill, causing Caboose to go on a rampage. Grif leaves after Sarge decides to cause a second nuclear armageddon, and Lopez leaves to re-enslave humanity.
• Amateur Voice Actors, which as expected, is Self-Deprecation at its finest. It even shows the show's own cast flubbing their lines at the end...
• Sarge and Grif being used to announce Halo in Fortnite.
  • The continuation has Sarge and Grif being forced to work with Agent One and Raymond to make Red Base look good for the Master Chief's arrival.
  • Then, when Master Chief makes his Big Entrance...

  Raymond: Uh...so who's team is he on?
  Grif and Sarge: Dibs!
  One: Dibs- Ah, dammit!

• Someone decided to do a Red vs. Blue version of the RWBY shipsheet for the sake of it, and it's a thing of wonder and beauty, filled to the brim with both puns and Genius Bonuses.
• On the Red Vs. Blue YouTube channel (now re-branded as Rooster Teeth Animation), earlier episodes would end with one of the Reds and Blues asking the viewer to subscribe to the channel...in their typically goofy fashion.

  Simmons: Greetings fellow web surfers! Be sure to subscribe before you go. It'll be just like we're friends! Not that I... need friends... (nervous laughter) Please don't go.
  Caboose: ...Where am I? (sees the SUBSCRIBE/WATCH NEXT EPISODE text) Well, that looks nice! (turns to the viewer) Oh my god! A giant person! (ducks away in fear)

• Out of Shatter Squad's plugs to The Matrix Resurrections, the funniest one is One and East imitating Neo and Smith's subway fight to see who'd get the last donut. Only for Raymond to appear and grab it.

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Source: https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Funny/RedVsBlue

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